The Bizarro World Debt Elimination Freak Show

No Joke

2008-04-07T19:45:00.001-07:00

Someone commented that we posted on April Fool's Day. I hadn't even noticed!

We're really out of debt.

Really!

Out of Debt and F%$king Loving It

2008-04-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

*blows dust off microphone

(tap tap)

Is this thing on? Listen, I know everybody left, but I've got an announcement.

(the sound of a cricket from a far off corner of the room)

The Bizarros are out of debt. And have been for a about a month. I wanted to learn how to run up a tree and do a flip to celebrate, and I had planned to do the research, but let's face it, I'm just not a tree-flipper. I thought it would be a more momentous occasion, champagne, cheering, etc., but it kind of came and went, quietly, amidst a lot of transferring money between accounts, four day delays, etc. Very undramatic. With all the money floating between accounts (paypal, two different banks, etc.), it was kind of like, I think we're out of debt...? Then the dust settled and it was done: zero. Flat broke, but breathing clean air.

But the beauty of it is, the mind-blowing amount of hard work that had propelled us to the surface also just kept on truckin', and now we're solidly in the black and heading to Australia for two weeks in May, using real, honest to God cash.

The Bizarro World Debt Elimination Freak Show lived up to its name. We worked until our fingers bled, worked when all we wanted to do was collapse on the couch and eat ice cream using our hands, worked instead of going out, worked instead of sleeping. For over a year my life involved working a 9 to 5 job and then working a second job until after midnight. I took side jobs I had no interest in. There were dark times indeed when a descent into insanity seemed like a good and welcoming thing. We took chances, we used credit cards, we fought bitterly at times and I found myself shouting profanities at a laptop because my debt was on the screen.

I hated that debt so intensely, so passionately for so long, that by the end, when it was dwindling beneath $1,000, I began to kind of feel sorry that it was going. It was like losing a limb. It had become a part of me, and if that isn't a sick f--king thing, folks, I don't know what is. But it was a part of me. I created it. But now it is cast out of me.

But some things haven't changed. I'm still of the opinion that it's the mind-numbing throw-away lifestyle (both of objects and experiences) that drain our lives and create great deserts of mediocrity on our own maps of memory. And Bianca and I still eat out too much.

But I'd be lying if the food didn't taste twice as sweet.

The Time Has Come To Bid The Blogosphere Adieu

2007-09-05T20:25:00.001-07:00

When I really started getting serious about getting out of debt, I looked to the blogosphere for help. I can't begin to thank everyone out there, both for the great information, but also for the support your comments gave me. I'm not out of debt yet, but the pace quickens almost by the day, and I can truly see the light at the end of this dank and horrible tunnel. Unfortunately, my massive debt repayment effort leaves zero time to blog, so we made the decision to fold up shop and throw all efforts to killing debt.

I thank each and every one of you that took the time to read our ramblings, and cared enough to cheer us on when we were down (and my, were we low at times). That takes a certain kind of character that makes me believe humans may have a chance.

The one thing from this amazing experience that resonated with me deepest is this: gratitude. Look within your lives, because everything you need is right there. And for the most part, free. Many people who become mired in debt lose that ability to see the beauty of everyday things and everyday moments, to see and appreciate nature and beauty and human kindness - because Madison Avenue doesn't get rich promoting those things. Corporate America gets rich on people zombified by stuff-lust and plastic pieces of crap, not the appreciation of what truly matters in a life. What I learned is this - pay attention to your life, right down to every bite of food you take into your mouth to the value of the love given to you that is worth more than ten thousand hours in front of a plasma screen you can't afford.

It's all right there in front of us, and as the immortal Huey Lewis and the News once put it, "Don't need no credit card to ride this train."

Cheers. And good luck.

Basil

Sorry, I can't begin to follow that so I'll just say that I'll miss the interaction, great ideas and support I got from everyone. Thank you for being there for us.

Basil Bizarro, Debt War Hobo Soldier

2007-08-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

Yeeaaaahhhh...so we took a little unexpected break there. Sometimes life comes up and hits you broadside with a shovel blade, right behind the ear. Which is expected, this unexpectedness - it's just that we were weakened by the madness of starting a business, so we went down a little harder than we anticipated.

Apparently sometime between starting this blog and now I turned into a hobo. Frugality, while it has certainly helped us in some areas, hasn't done much for my personal appearance. I had one real haircut since last December. I don't even recognize myself. Who is this person, with the shooting shafts of jagged hair that gave me the look of a barn owl blown apart by buckshot? Bloodshot eyes peering out from sunken pits? Even my car, which I've explained as being something quite horrid to begin with, is failing. The paint is peeling off the body in shapes that remind one of huge sores. I'm having difficulty remembering the last time I bought a shirt. Or pants. Or underwear. All I need is a bottle of river-distilled gin and a boxcar and I'd fit in with the likes of Cacklehead Jimmy Pastelpants and Frank "the Shank" Moonbeams. Oh, the times we'd have, keeping clear of the railroad dicks and Capital One's goons.

Due to exhaustion, I've yet to update the debt total, which now sits at $13,150. I'll have cracked thirteen large by the end of the month. Things are snowballing, faster and faster, but the brutal work pace and my freakish hobo appearance are taking their tolls. I just hope I can make it to the Big Rock Candy Mountain, where the dogs have rubber teeth, the lake is made of gin and debt is but a long forgotten dream.

I think the end of the journey may more realistically resemble the following, which is the original last verse of Harry McClintock's Big Rock Candy Mountain:

I've hiked and hiked and wandered too,
But I ain't seen any candy
I've hiked and hiked till my feet are sore
And I'll be damned if I hike any more
To be buggered sore like a hobo's whore
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

We're Back!!!

2007-08-10T10:00:00.001-07:00

Sorry, we've been out of the loop for a while, but we've had a lot going on with our personal life, as well as Basil's crafty side business which is exploding like an egg in a microwave. Basically, if he's not at his day job, he's working on the side business. Really. Every night from after dinner until midnight, and this morning he even had to forgo a shower because he was busy packing envelopes. I said that was fine as long as I wasn't working next to him -- but he had to get into a pool today at work for some reason (nice job, huh?), so I think he figured that counted as bathing.

Our goal this weekend is to set up a budget and start going over it on a weekly basis, to staunch the dining out flow before it gets out of control as well as keep a closer eye on where all the money is going. Plus although we have additional income from the side business, we also have additional expenditures, so we want to see how much extra Basil can send to the credit cards. We also decided to get the ignition fixed on Number One Son's new/used car, so we'll be taking that into the shop Monday morning, but we plan to put that on an empty credit card to just float paying it off a month.

Who Stole our Savings?

2007-08-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I finally updated our emergency fund bar. After taking money out for dental bills, new glasses and a car, we still have $3727 in the emergency savings. And that's what it's there for, isn't it? It's going to be a very tightly budgeted month in August because there's the college payment of $940 to pay (which will be mostly refunded after all the loans and scholarships come through), plus Number One Son just called to say he needed to go to the dentist because he thinks he has a cavity. I bought him dental insurance this week, but it won't cover fillings for the first six months. At least it will cover the check up and cleaning, and as he'll be in college for another three years, I figure I should have it on him anyway. Basil's going to attack the credit this month, and I just hope I don't have to dip into the savings again. At least work's picking up for both of us, so we should have a little bit of overtime as well.

Cracked Fourteen Large, Or, The Crafty Side Business Strikes Back

2007-08-01T20:13:00.001-07:00

I just took the gloves off and gave my debt a smack in the nose with the heel of my hand. It's bleeding a bit, dazed, but leers at me, knows the fight is far from over.

I should have kicked it in the groin. Maybe next month.

Fight debt. Fight dirty.

June Income & Expenses!

2007-07-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

Whew! I just made it. I barely made getting June's income/expense report up in July. I think I've decided that next month I'm not going to wait until I get my bank statement (since it usually arrives after the 15th), and instead, reconcile with my online statement so I can get a better handle on where the money's going. What happens to Basil and me is that we have a good month, and then celebrate the next month, yet we don't realize how much we've spent until yet another month's almost gone by. We used to try to go over expenses weekly, but that kind of got away from us, too.

Unfortunately, as you can see, we ended up in the negative this month. But that can be explained by the purchase of a car and registration for Number One Son to take to college. We also had an airline ticket for Number Two Son to fly to visit his father for the summer.

The good news is that we quit randomly driving around and combined errands, so our gas went down $60 for the month. Basil had a lot of art income, but that was mostly spent on art expenses, supplies and for when his parents visited, but hopefully in the future a bigger cut of that should go toward the credit cards.

We kept groceries down to around $400 which is where we want to be, but that could be because for one week of the month there were only two of us. Also dining was cut by half to $236 (but I'm afraid that July's will be back up).

Entertainment was high because of Basil's family visiting.

Gifts Given was high because there are A LOT of birthdays in my family in June including mine, two of my sons, three of my sisters, and a friend's. Add to that that Basil's brother graduated from high school and I think we did pretty well in the gift giving department.

Everything else is pretty normal, but car insurance will be going up with an additional car $60 a month. We're hoping to change our cell phone package to try to get that lower, but with four people in a family plan, I don't think $142 is too bad, especially since we don't have a land line we're also paying for.

Hopefully next month I'll get July's budget up much quicker, because we've got to get this debt paid down, plus save for a wedding in the next 11 months. I think we're going to implement a budget through Quicken and see if that helps us.

Sex At $3 A Pop, Or, The Price Of STD And Pregnancy Protection

2007-07-30T15:42:00.001-07:00

While Bianca and I were at the Rite Aid looking for aloe for my third-degree sunburn, she went off one aisle and I lingered down another. I came across the condom aisle and began looking them over. Something I had never noticed before was that in addition to the "large" size (including the popular "Magnum"), there is now an XL. This was news to me. I thought the upper end of the scale was the Magnum. Leviathans lurk in the waters of the masses, I thought.

That was until I reached the Extra Large Durex XXL's. My goodness. The box proclaimed "Extra large for big time pleasure." But I was in for another surprise as my eyes played over the colorful boxes.

I scanned the prices, finding the normal discrepancies between the Mercedes and Kia comparable brands...until I reached the "sheepskins." Holy colona. While a mid-range box of 12 condoms will run you $12.99, a box of 12 sheepskins, or "sheepies" as I immediately nicknamed them, will cost you - get this - $39! I had to know more about these extravagant contraceptives, and before I knew it I had my notebook out and was jotting down the words "pricey sheepies" in it (what - you don't carry a notebook for times such as these?).

Apparently, sheepskins are only good for pregnancy protection. They won't do you a bit of good if you find yourself sharing a room where the only furniture is a mattress with a towel over it and there's someone taking your money (But who would use a $3 condom in a situation like that? Then again, you're probably not thinking frugality at that point). Sheepskins are worn mostly because they apparently feel more natural.

The kicker for me was this: sheepskins are not actually made of sheep skin - they're made from lamb intestines.

I've got to stay out of the Rite Aid - too many rabbit holes to tumble down.

Gah.

2007-07-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

Monosyllibic rants. Stress headaches. Spitting obscenities at machines.

Getting serious about adding a debt reducing side-business is painful. Doing it on top of a stressful 9 to 5 job is excruciating. I had my best month yet in terms of sales, but had to invest it all into growth. Disappointing.

Bianca is an angel, without whom I would be in a park somewhere, my clothes black and shiny from my own oils, an empty bottle of Old Jim Skin's Budget Drunkdrink laying next to me.

Gotta pull it together.

This is the war on debt. Sacrifice. Hard work. Hopefully it will bear fruit.

Good and Bad News

2007-07-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

The good news: Basil was really relaxed after a day of boogie boarding and lying in the sun on the beach.

The bad news: The sunscreen should have been reapplied more often because by 10 p.m. his stomach and chest were the color of a cooked lobster. Today he says it feels like a million needles are stabbing him.
I guess we'll have to find a better way for him to relax, because when it comes to putting on sunscreen, it's like trying to apply it to a three-year-old.

More good and bad news: I got a refund check of $74.80 from State Farm for my car insurance. The letter stated: "When financial results are better than expected and business conditions permit, we are pleased to return part of your premium. We enjoy these positive results because of our policyholders' attention to safety and our careful management of your premium dollars." Yay!

The bad news: I got a bill for lab work from my physical for $85, which doesn't say it's covered by insurance. It was last year, but the doctor sent me to a different lab, and this year the blood was drawn in her office. I'm hoping it's actually covered, and I'll call Monday to find out, otherwise, that refund check is going straight to the bill for the lab. Wah!

A Day of Relaxation

2007-07-28T08:30:00.001-07:00

Today we're taking Basil to the beach for some much needed (forced) relaxation. He's been working every night and all last weekend on his crafty side business and his boss even sent him home from work Thursday because his eyes were all bloodshot and he looked awful. Of course he went home and worked his second job. I figured the only way to get him to relax was to get him to the beach. There he swims, lies around, reads and always feels great when we come home. I know the side business will help pay off the mountain, but I'm afraid of what kind of mental and physical shape he'll be in when that year's up. I don't want to look like I'm marrying a hobo next summer.

Oh, yeah, and maybe I'll finally get to balance the checkbook and post June's finances this weekend.

Basil's Intervention

2007-07-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I've been out of commission for a while, but Basil was using both computers for his crafty side business this weekend and I worked late yesterday. I thought I'd better interject before people become too depressed and think Basil's going off the deep end. Basil says his brother is "more successful" than he is, but he's basing success on what capitalism, advertising and our society deems "successful".
Yes, his brother makes a lot of money, but he's 30 years old and I've given up learning the names of the latest girlfriend because I know it'll change before I even get the chance to meet her. He parties every weekend, which Basil and I have long outgrown (not that we don't like partying with friends, but going to bars has never been a weekly activity for us). Yes, he's buying a house, but he's never camped on a beach at Catalina Island, hiked the Rockies, or seen dolphins chasing a whale-watching boat. He hasn't moved across the country and when it's 0 degrees out in Chicago, we're running errands in t-shirts and jeans. He hasn't helped raise three wonderful boys, who are smart, funny, creative and just fun to hang out with. His brother may seem successful to the outside world, but he's going it alone, not letting anyone get too close to him. Basil throws himself into the world and new experiences. He's smart, creative, generous and has a fiancee´ and family who love and support him. And you can't buy that down at the Wal-Mart.

Holy Cats

2007-07-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

My, that last post was a cheery one.

I've run myself ragged trying to manage my Crafty Side Business and my full time job and I'm coming apart at the seams. Emotionally battered. Tired beyond reason. My successful younger brother buying a house and I'm in the gutter trying to crawl my way up to $0.

My only excuse is that this site is titled "Freak Show." Lest anyone get any ideas that it's anything but.

Trying to think postivie thoughts. None come to mind, at present. But what is there to do but soldier on? At least money's being thrown at the mountain.

Movin' On Up

2007-07-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

When you move to a major urban center to try and upgrade your financial fortunes, you often neglect to look around you at the splendor such a place has to offer. I mean, if I hadn't looked around recently I would have missed:

The beauty of the slow, graceful arc of a tall unconscious man, and the wet, deep slap his head made hitting concrete. I would have missed his assailant, chest puffed out, striding away triumphant in his drunken, shirtless glory.

The beauty of several dozen pigeons eating out of a wet garbage bag in the parking lot of a Home Depot - eating and screwing, sometimes at the same time.

A two hundred pound woman urinating quite vigorously, in the middle of the sidewalk, at 3:30 on an airless, sun-baked afternoon.

In other news, you can read about how a guy blew $210,000 on drinks this weekend. The story is here.

Going Into Debt For Jesus

2007-07-21T11:08:00.001-07:00

Bianca and I have never had cable. Ever. Whenever we enter a hotel room, the first thing that is done - before bags drop from shoulders- is the television is turned on, usually to the Weather Channel, which I could watch for hours. I could rent a hotel room, watch the Weather Channel for 24 hours, and leave completely satisfied. That's what no cable has done to us.

At home, my options were limited to the crap network stations, the Home Shopping Network and several (13) Spanish-language stations. Then there was TBN. I used to watch the Trinity Broadcasting Network way more often than I should have. I watched it for the sheer, gleeful horror of its entertainment value: the Crouches (see Jan pictured above), the silly movie premieres (watching Christian filmmakers and broadcasters act all "Hollywood" remains endlessly entertaining to me) and, of course, Benny Hinn with his amazing Holy Spirit Knock You Over Spells. I mean the guy is a real-life X-Man. There's something so ornately sleazy about him that makes you suspicious he bathes only in Cristal champagne.

I was reading a William Lobdell article in the Times today titled "He Had Faith In His Job" in which Lobdell talks about his years covering the holy beat. He mentions TBN's "prosperity gospel":

"TBN's Creed is that if viewers send money to the network, God will repay them with great riches and good health. Even people deeply in debt are encouraged to put donations on credit cards." (italics mine)

"'If you have been healed or saved or blessed through TBN and have not contributed...you are robbing God and will lose your reward in heaven,' Paul Crouch, co-founder of the Orange County-based network, once told viewers. Meanwhile, Crouch and his wife, Jan, live like tycoons."

They need the money, you see, for the $21 million dollar private jet, 30 homes across the country and their two mansions in Newport Beach. Oh, and the ranch in Texas. And the taxes they have to pay on these donations? Nada.

"Even people deeply in debt are encouraged to put donations on credit cards."

Look, somebody's gotta pay for Jan's pink skyscraper wigs.

Debt Numbers Updated

2007-07-19T17:46:00.001-07:00

Debt total now stands at $14,294. This number would be much lower if I wasn't reinvesting profits from the Crafty Side Business back into it, but today I nearly made as much from sales as I made at work.

The hope is once I have the business where I want it I can grow it steadily while using profits to obliterate debt. I would love to be blasting a grand off the mountain every month, but that doesn't seem feasible just yet.

So, My Credit Card Company Screwed Up - Does This Mean My Balance Will Stay At 0% Forever?

2007-07-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Upon double checking my statements online, I noticed that a 0% balance transfer had been misapplied as 9.9%. One of the statements showed all sorts of corrections and additions and subtractions, and they were named strange things like FUND READJ FRONT END FEE MALJUS TW 769EEHJ.

I called the company.

"What's the deal on all these corrections?" I asked.

"We misapplied a transfer rate. It's been corrected," the woman said.

"I see it's been corrected."

"Of course we apologize for any inconvenience," she said.

I was trying to hold my phone to my ear and urinate at the same time. I had been on hold for 21 minutes and the woman had come on just as I had begun to use the bathroom. "So...you make a mistake, I get an apology - but I make a mistake and I get 29.9%?"

"Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?"

I had a vision in my head, being fresh from a viewing of the latest Harry Potter film. In it there are beings called Dementors, which suck the life out of you, your very soul trailing like vapor into their mouths. This is what it feels like, I thought. Talking to this woman, who thanks to the wonders of globalization is sitting in a room full of other women, women who speak English better than I do, somewhere in Ajjampura, India - I truly felt my soul being sucked out and into the pinprick-sized mouthpiece of my cell phone.

Gah. I've gotten so used to not speaking to these "account specialists," that it pains me when I have to do so.

A Nasty Little Secret About The Secret

2007-07-18T18:18:00.001-07:00

A while back I wrote about the Secret. About how the Secret was essentially crap. But something happened recently that was more than a little bizarre. And it had to do with the Secret.

Because I'm sometimes known as a "wiseacre," or even a "smartaleck," or occasionally, if people are being particularly cruel, a "wisenheimer," I've been known to mix it up a little bit. Zig instead of zag. Not "hit that" when someone commands "hit that." So when I was listening to the audio version of The Secret, there came a point where the author said to imagine something positive you would want. Something you really, really want. So I did. But I didn't think of anything positive; no, because I'm a "wise guy," I thought very specifically and very hard about wanting a certain co-worker to leave the company.

This person - who, mind you, was considered by all within the company to be a lifer - is very suddenly no longer with the company.

I still think the Secret is utter shite, but let's be honest here - I did get a bit of gooseflesh over the whole affair. And just to be one the safe side, I'm going to keep my negative thoughts in a mental "lock box" for the time being. Let's face it, I'm just too cosmically powerful right now.

Mommy, There's No More 'Mercials For Nuggets! I Feel Empty In My Tummy And My Soul, Mommy

2007-07-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

Having observed the "McDonald's-As-Crack-For-Youngsters" phenomenon with the spawn of my friends, I find this article interesting. Apparently some of the largest food companies are going to restrict advertising aimed at children under 12. Including those nugget-dealers McDonald's.

Of course parents should be encouraging their sugar-addled young to get out from under the gaze of the electronic babysitter (or the Flat Screen Love Substitute, as it's known in some households) and go outside. There are billboards I see every day that try and encourage parents to turn off the television, or to serve vegetables at dinner. What has happened where we feel like we have to use billboards to instruct people that Ho Ho's and Red Vines are not a nutritious dinner? I think once we've gotten to that point as a society, it may be that we've peaked on the ride and it's time to just throw up your arms and scream as it rockets downward.

I, of course, was above all that advertising to the under 12 set when I was included in that group. Pay no mind to the overflowing boxes of battered, very un-mint-in-box Transformers and G.I. Joe figures in my parents' attic.

Our Dining this Month So Far...

2007-07-17T11:46:00.001-07:00

After the crazy eating out binges we've been going on, I decided to check our Quicken halfway through the month to see how we're doing. So far we've spent $157, which includes the $58 buffet (for two) we ate in Las Vegas (we were checking it out to see if we wanted to take wedding guests there, but decided that unless you were a big seafood eater, it wasn't worth it. Plus it encourages you to overeat - the true American way). So we're way down from our high of $600 in May, but over where we'd really like to be. Plus I'm not sure if everything has been entered into Quicken. The only good thing I can say is that we've been eating out really cheap, and believe it or not, I'm actually getting burned out on In-n-Out after eating it four times in a week.

One To Grow On

2007-07-16T18:23:00.000-07:00

My Crafty Side Business, which I use primarily for debt destruction, is experiencing major growing pains. I'm being approached by stores that want to carry my little crafty things, I have no social life as I'm constantly trying to stay on top of custom orders...it's mad. If I weren't in debt, I'd be able to quit my 9 to 5 and have a wonderful time making what I want. But...I am in debt, so it means I'm working essentially two full-time jobs (Take a moment here and wipe your eyes - I know, I'm a little choked up as well. Poor Basil...). I don't even know my own fiancee anymore. Plus I'm in a transitional stage with the Crafty Side Business where I'm Trying To Take It To The Next Level, which of course means spending money to make money. Errrgh. It was so simple in the beginning, just selling stuff and all the money going to debt. Now I'm actually having to do calculations, profit projections...

On another note, I've been thinking about something lately. Having been in the blogo-verse for a while now, I've noticed tons of articles about frugality, how to get out of debt, etc. What I'm not seeing much of is, what's behind all of this, all these people waking up tens of thousands of dollars in debt? What's the mass psychology behind this problem, which, as I found out here on the Intra-nets, is a massive one (and tied to America's fat problem, I'm certain)? Why aren't we dealing with the psychology? Is it because we don't want to face it directly? Is it too complicated? What's causing college educated people to wake up one day and say to themselves, "F--k me, I'm thirty thousand dollars in debt?"

That's for another time. But it's a valid question, and I think if properly asked and adressed on a massive scale would paint the world we live in in much more menacing tones than the bright colors and shiny plastic would have us believe.

I Used a Reusable Bag!

2007-07-15T17:20:00.001-07:00

I did it! It was truly a bizarro moment for me! I used a Trader Joe's reusable shopping bag at a competitive grocery store! I felt a little weird, but she filled it up, no questions asked. Of course, one item didn't fit, so she had to use a whole bag for it. I think I've crossed a line today that I was afraid to cross before. Now if I can only remember to take them in before I'm wheeling the groceries through the parking lot to my car.

Tagged! 8 Random Things About Bianca

2007-07-11T20:41:00.001-07:00

We were recently tagged by Blogging Away Debt as well as An English Major's Money to reveal eight things you may not have known about us. Luckily there are two of us, so you, you lucky people, will get to learn 16 things you didn't know about the Bizarros (which you may live to regret). Since Basil's working late tonight, I'll post my eight things now, and he'll regale you with his unknown facts tomorrow.
1. I'm a twin. Not an identical twin. You should see how excited people are when they find out I'm a twin, and then watch their faces fall when they find out I'm a fraternal twin. I'm such a disappointment. They're also disappointed to find out we don't have any special "connection".
2. I'm 11 years older than Basil. We've been together for 10 years, and yes, he was a wee lad of 24 when we started dating. When other women find out they say "You go girl!" and call me Demi.
3. I don't like hot peppers. Every time (and I do mean every time) Basil is eating some, he offers me one. I will never take it. Ever.
4. I enjoy watching Mystery Science Theatre with my sons.
5. I make a fabulous homemade barbeque chicken pineapple pizza almost every Saturday night (including the crust). We eat it while watching Mystery Science Theatre.
6. I love boogie boarding.
7. I paint portraits in oil.
8. I've been known to play Guitar Hero with my sons as a way to bond with them, but I secretly just like to pretend that I can play "I Wanna Be Sedated".

I'll go ahead and tag Frugal Babe to find out 8 things about her.

Sin City on the Cheap

2007-07-10T09:55:00.001-07:00

I'm exhausted! Saturday we cleaned and organized for the arrival of Number Three Son on Monday, and Sunday at 6:30 a.m. we hit the road for Vegas. Had a great time and we'll recap more details later, but the bottom line is we did two full days of vacation for just under $300 (that includes hotel, gas and food). That doesn't count the $98 for a new tire after we lost some tread in Baker, CA. You haven't lived until you've changed a tire in the desert in 115 degree heat.

Vegas, Baby, Vegas

2007-07-07T08:24:00.001-07:00

It's been a busy week at the Bizarro World household. And I can't even blame it on children. My work has been really busy, and with a holiday in the middle of the week, I found it hard to find time to post.

I'm afraid I have a confession to make....we may go to Vegas this weekend. Not to get married, but to check out the chapels, hotels, buffets, etc. It's strictly for research. No fun will be had. Since we aren't usually childless, I brought up the idea that we should go now before Number Three Son arrives Monday night. We would start out early Sunday (it's a 3-4 hour drive and hotel rooms are cheaper Sunday nights) and come back Monday afternoon before "the boy" arrives at 9:30 p.m. After checking out hotels online we figured we could do it for around $200. I could use my birthday money $110 and Basil just sold $50 worth of art, plus he got a $20 tip at work yesterday, and I had a whole day of overtime this past week which would more than cover the rest.

Then Basil did something that's usually Bianca's forte....he said maybe we should just put that money toward the debt. I'm always the cheap one, getting a big chunk of money and just putting it in my savings until I decide how to spend it (hence still having a $110 to spend on my birthday even though it was almost a month ago). We decided that maybe we didn't need to run to Vegas this weekend, and that we could probably go in the winter when it wasn't 117 degrees when Number Two Son was visiting his brother at college. This weekend we could create art, relax and maybe spend his tip money on eating out. We decided to sleep on it, and as Basil is still asleep, I'm still not sure what we're doing. We both have to enter in all our receipts and deposits into Quicken, and then we'll know. It would be so much more relaxing to just hang out at the apartment all weekend...but on the other hand, Basil insists on wandering around naked. So maybe Vegas is sounding better after all.

The Cost of a Beautiful Moment

2007-07-05T13:04:00.001-07:00

Basil already reported the good news in the previous post, so I'll just report how the spending went. It ended up being a relatively cheap weekend. We decided to rent snorkel gear (mask and fins at $9 each), which was really worth it since I'd never snorkeled before and we saw a 5-foot bat ray and some garabaldi, along with a lot of other sea life. It was kind of scary for me because I'm not too keen on swimming with large marine life, but Basil held my hand the whole time and didn't laugh when I panicked swimming over the bat ray. We also ate out three times for a total of $55. The little grill restaurant on the island was really inexpensive, so we had a big breakfast Saturday morning before our 7-mile hike. Then when we came back Sunday afternoon, we had burgers and unlimited fountain Diet Cokes (I think Basil had at least seven glasses -- it was so hot). After the boat ride back to the mainland, we stopped for some Mexican fast food. Here are the expenses for a romantic camping weekend on Santa Catalina Island:

Boat Ride: $118
Campsite: $36
Food: $33
Eating Out: $55
Parking: $24
Snorkeling: $36

Total: $302

Getting Engaged on an Island Beach at Sunset: Priceless.

Basil Pops A Question

2007-07-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

First things first - when I was signing into my Blogger account I glanced at the rotating "Just Updated" feature, and I'm pleased to report that "Ebony Ass Gallery" has updated its blog. I didn't check what was added, but I think it's safe to say it was some ebony asses.

Second things second - Bianca and I got engaged over the weekend. It was all terribly romantic and would probably have induced vomiting if people were watching, but since we were on a secluded beach on an island, dinners were spared. The below photo was taken moments after I popped the question.
We had hiked in seven miles, and I had hidden some chilled champagne and glasses in my backpack. The ring was handcrafted by an artist on Etsy.com, and contained zero diamonds. If Bianca was someone who had to have a huge rock to show off to friends who actually cared about that kind of thing, she wouldn't be the person I would ask to be my wife. And any industry that tells you what percentage of your salary you should spend on something is suspect at the very least. It's almost laughable watching the diamond industry combine love and societal peer pressure to increase profits. In fact, the wedding industry is a little microcosm of the consumerism-fueled U.S. economy. Girls are trained from an early age to feel they deserve the perfect wedding, deserve to be a princess for a day. To paraphrase my dad, "you don't deserve shit." It's about love and relationships, not dresses and cake. Dresses and cakes have their places, but they should be realistic places. A traditional wedding is a whirling tornado of increasing costs and is the perfect example of how people get into serious financial trouble - they let their emotions get in bed with their money. It would make my heart glad to have wedding planners and bad DJ's out of business if it meant more couples focused on the huge commitment they're taking on. May the "Electric Slide" rest in peace. Let "Celebration" die a painful death.

When we returned to the mainland, I was intrigued to find that the newspaper had an article titled "Love extravagantly, but cut wedding costs." The article states that the average wedding cost in the U.S. is $27,000. A chart within the article ranked the average wedding costs by city. Vegas came in at $15,257, L.A. at $26,930 and - get this - a wedding in New York will cost you $40,000. Let's just say that our wedding will cost less than what someone in N.Y. would pay for music ($1,677). Number One, Two and Three sons all play guitar beautifully, so we've got the music covered there. We're looking forward to a small, close-knit affair.

Another article in the section was titled "Bare all debts, assets before the big day." This shouldn't be a problem, since we share everything with complete strangers every day. The article states a couple of horror stories, "one about the bride who found out that her husband had a $20,000 tax debt only after the IRS put a lien on her home" and "a bride who canceled the nuptials after finding out that her fiance had paid his gambling debts by draining the joint account they'd established to pay wedding bills." Brent Kessel, a chief executive at a money management firm says, "Money is one of the leading causes of divorce."

But financial matters aside, a beautiful, amazing woman wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

Celebrate good times. Come on!

A Camping We Will Go

2007-06-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

So far this week's been pretty good on the spending front. We bought some groceries for our big camping trip this weekend, but every night we ate at home. It's been a real struggle since we're childless and that's when we go out the most since we only have to pay for two of us. Tomorrow morning we get on a boat to take us to Catalina Island where we'll eat breakfast in a restaurant, and then hike seven miles to our campsite on a beach. We're not sure how much food to pack, and since we won't have any refrigeration, we can't take anything cold. Mmmmmmmm....warm water. Basil's worried we're not taking enough, whereas I think we're taking too much (since I have to carry the food, I tend to think less is more). We only have a four-person tent, and though I was tempted to go out and buy an inexpensive two-person tent, I resisted. We figure we'll buy a two-person tent once the debt is gone, plus it's not often that there are just two of us anyway. So far the expenditures for this weekend are: boat trip for 2 - $118, campsite - $36, food - $33, parking car - $24; total: $211. We may rent snorkling gear which is $9 each. We also plan on eating dinner out Sunday night once we back on the mainland. All in all, I think it'll be cheaper than a hotel-staying, buffet-eating Vegas vacation.

A "No Money Spent" Day!

2007-06-28T09:24:00.001-07:00

We did it! On Wednesday we had a "no spending" day! I'd like to say it was intentional, but more likely it probably had something to do with my posting our May expenses on Monday.

Debt Komix #3!

2007-06-26T17:05:00.001-07:00

May Income/Expenses

2007-06-25T16:40:00.001-07:00

Wow - what a month! The bottom line doesn't look too bad, but I put some expenses on the credit card to delay them a month (dental bills, glasses), so next month will be crazy. We're still having a problem making ends meet because of the extra $100 a month in rent increase as well as the extra $100 a month in gas. We're going to try to cut back the unnecessary errands.

There wasn't as much art income this month because Basil saved the money to spend when his folks were visiting.

This month we started adding interest income and expense. I have a savings account that earned $17 worth of interest, and Basil's credit card interest was $119, but that included a $75 charge for moving credit around to get a lower interest rate, so next month that will be much lower.

The clothing expense was up, but that was paid with extra money I got from selling some artwork.

The scary/bad category, as always, is the dining category. We spent $499 in one month! Ugh! So with the $500 in groceries, that's $1000 in food for the month! Granted, most of the time we ventured out to cheap fast food joints, but often there were four of us as Number One Son was staying with us for two weeks. We also celebrated the end of the semester with a nice meal out as well. Something has to be done! Basil and I decided that if we're really serious about saving for an emergency fund and getting out of debt, we're going to have to sacrifice. So we've decided to follow in the footsteps of An English Major's Money and use an envelope for our monthly dining out funds. We're going to budget $30 a week for eating out, which will amount to $120 for the month instead of the $500 we spent this month. That would give Basil $380 extra to go towards credit card debt. Since that's our worst expense, we thought we'd try it for a month, and if it works well we may go to other categories as well. It will be hard because Number Three Son comes to visit July 9.

The only other problem was that last month I posted that we got the electric bill only every other month....well, I was wrong. We just missed last month, so we had a double bill this month.

Everything else was pretty standard. It's kind of depressing sometimes to see how much we spend in a month, but then we get competitive and say "We can do this thing! Let's not eat out at all next month! Let's pay the credit cards off by Christmas! YEAH! GO! GO! GO!" Then we come down off the furniture and get a little more realistic, but still determined to beat this debt.

Debt Komix #2

2007-06-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Put Down that Phone!

2007-06-22T15:22:00.001-07:00

We live in the LA area and today a co-worker handed me a sheet with all the newest driving fines that take effect July 1st. The one that worries me is that cell phone use while driving must be "hands free" and if you get caught, the ticket is $285. Ever since I backed into my sister's car in my parents' driveway with my recently purchased vehicle while I was searching for a ringing cell phone, I've avoided talking on the phone and driving. I've also told my sons that no phone call is so important that you have to answer it while driving. They were in the backseat at the time of my accident, so even though it cost me $500 for the insurance deductible, I think it taught them a lesson. Unfortunately I don't have the same control over Basil. He has a fairly long commute to work and often calls me to ease the boredom ("Tell me a story," is how he usually starts the conversation). Also, his phone isn't new enough to have hands free technology. I could switch phones with him since my phone is bluetooth ready, but his has been dropped so many times that it looks like a family of bears mauled it for a week.

Also mine has cool ring tones.

As a $285 ticket is not in our budget, I guess Basil will just have to use patience and make phone calls before he leaves work or wait until he gets home. He definitely doesn't want to have to blog about having to pay a $285 ticket.

And I would make him.

Was doing a little research on this info, and I've found that the law doesn't go into effect until 7/1/08. There is conflicting information, so to be safe, I think I'll advise Basil to start now....just in case.

Debt Komix!

2007-06-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Because no one demanded it, the debut of Debt Komix!

Live Free Or Debt Hard

2007-06-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

Some excellent recent posts to check out:

Zen Habits has 73 Great Debt Elimination Tips! Number 38 really stood out for us: "Turn off your television, and discard catalogs and other advertisements immediately (but not coupons!). Do this, and your urge to buy stuff you don’t need will plummet." Very true. Start paying attention to how often you're bombarded with ads. Ask yourself if the tool at the water cooler prattling on about the taste wonders of Sierra Mist isn't being paid to do Word of Mouth Advertising (WOM). When the blaring, near-unavoidable inanity of today's advertising starts really pissing you off, you're on the right track.

Fiance Psychology has 7 Crucial Habits To Cultivate. If you haven't checked out this site, I highly recommend that you do so.

Frugal Babe talks about how frugality and the environment in their post Doing Our Part. Bianca and I are struggling to get to where Frugal Babe and her husband are at. They're doing the right things, and inspiring the hell out of us. An excellent post about how financial and environmental responsibility can go hand in hand.

I'm Afraid to get the Mail...

2007-06-20T16:51:00.001-07:00

I'm starting to get nervous. My credit card bill arrives any day now and I've been putting some pretty big purchases on it the past month: eye exam and glasses, car repairs & tires, dental bills, web server fees, and many other little things I can't remember right now. Those items are adding up to almost $1000 already. I'm hoping a couple of things didn't make the most recent bill, but it'll still be high. And I'm determined to pay off the entire balance, even though Basil tells me I can do it in two months instead of one. I would rather take it out of my emergency fund than pay a penny to the credit card companies. I also go to the dentist tomorrow for my final crown on my tooth, but at least that should be on the following month's bill. Basil and I are cracking down on the spending (again!) and I should have some healthy overtime the beginning of July, so I shouldn't have any problem paying. I would just like a month where I don't have an unexpected expense of over $100.

Kwote Korner

2007-06-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

“When you look at the buying habits that have taken hold in our culture over the past 30 years or so, you can see that we made the descision somewhere along the line to work longer hours so we could acquire more things. We’ve exchanged our leisure time for stuff.”

Elaine St. James

Cracked $15,000

2007-06-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a comment on my last post, I knocked the debt below fifteen large.

Son Of A BITCH

2007-06-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid!

Some dumb mistakes lately cost me $73. The first mistake happened less than an hour after I had picked my parents up at the airport. Having promised them the glory of In-N-Out Burger, I took them to the nearest one, only to find the parking lot jam packed. I grabbed some bare, unpainted curb on the street and we went in and enjoyed our lunch.

On our way out I noticed a guy writing a ticket for our car. Then I noticed the fire hydrant, the bright yellow one I failed to notice on my way in to the restaurant. "You're not fifteen feet away from this fire hydrant," he said. And he was right. Where we used to live, all curbs by fire hydrants were painted. Not here. Just a dumb mistake. I took the ticket and pushed down the frothing fountain of bile-tinged rage that was flowing up from my gut.

The second mistake came in the mail, in the form of a letter from the library. Apparently I had kept a pile of reference books for my Crafty Side Business a bit too long, to the tune of $28. Insanity. A $3 fine used to send me into a wide-eyed hate bender, culminating with me pounding my forehead with the heels of my hands and actually screaming "Grrrrrrrrrr!"

I accepted both of these mistakes calmly and with maturity. They were my mistakes, my responsibility.

Stupid dumb asshole police and library. I mean, how dare they?

Budget Followed, Spending Watched - What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

2007-06-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

The parents are off. And there is still some money - granted, most of it change - in my pocket. I feel giddy. Weird.

I knew my parents were coming, so a month ahead of time I diverted my second job earnings (previously earmarked for extra debt repayments) into savings for when my parents were here. I took out the cash before they arrived and put it in an envelope in my sock drawer. Every day I would take out how much I thought I would need for that day. When that money was gone, it was gone. No more fun - at least fun I had to pay for.

And it worked. I would pat myself 0n the back, except I gained so much weight from eating out I can barely touch my left shoulder with my right hand. No back patting for a week, at least.

Budgets work. Saving works. I feel like some real Bizarro World progress was made.

The Importance of an Emergency Fund

2007-06-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

You never know when you're going to need an emergency fund. Often you think everything will go on as always....until it doesn't. My sister is a case in point. She's been at her job for over 20 years, since she was 24, and making $50,000 a year. Right after her vacation a few weeks ago, she was called into her supervisor's office and told that she "wasn't coordinator material", even though she'd been doing the job for over 7 years. It wasn't a huge surprise, as her manager has a history of personality conflicts with staff, and should not be managing people to begin with. (I also worked for the company and when I gave three months notice to say I was moving across the country, she stopped talking to me because she was hurt that I didn't tell her sooner.) Anyway, my sister is now getting unemployment, but it's a fraction of what she was making. Her husband is working, but they own three houses -- the one they live in, the one her in-laws live-in, and one they're fixing up, plus her husband just bought a new truck, so they have car payments, too. They are living paycheck to paycheck, and though my sister's usually very level-headed and practical, she was in tears and frantic about how she was going to pay her bills. I don't have a huge emergency fund (yet), but if I lost my job tomorrow I'd like to think I'd have enough to hold me over until I got another one. That's why it's so important to have an emergency fund -- you never know if you're going to be laid off or get injured. I know it' s really hard to have a huge chunk of money just sitting in a savings account, when you're thinking about all the cool ways to spend it -- a great Hawaiian vacation, a flat screen TV, or that full-body tattoo you've been wanting. But knowing you have that emergency savings can give you a peace of mind that the tattooed grizzly on your back will never give you.

Happy Birthday to Me with Free Ice Cream!

2007-06-14T11:49:00.001-07:00

Thought I'd post about a freebie you can get on your birthday. Just sign up at the Cold Stone Creamery website to join the birthday club and every year you'll get a coupon via e-mail for a free medium Coldstone Creation. My Number Two Son got his last week and I got mine today. They're good for two weeks, and though it's not entirely ethical, one of my co-workers used hers three times last year. I think I only need the calories from one. Okay, maybe I don't neeeeeeed them.....

Get Inspired!

2007-06-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

Check out the 100 Most Inspirational Personal Fiance Turnaround Stories over at creditcardlowdown.com. We're number 16!

There's some great stuff over there - and when my folks leave I'll be adding links to some great blogs.

Must not strangle my mother, must not strangle my mother...

How Nice! Discover Took The Time To Write Me A Letter!

2007-06-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

Discover: "Congratulations! Your credit line has been increased to $6,600.

Dear Basil Bizarro,

Congratulations! Your excellent credit management has earned you a credit line increase. That means you have more buying power than ever. So, how will you enjoy it?" (from actual letter)

Me: "I won't be using it." (from my actual mouth)

Kwote Korner

2007-06-13T16:15:00.001-07:00

"The world is full of people that have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are that they should be living for."

Joseph Cambell

A Rollercoaster of a Weekend

2007-06-12T16:52:00.000-07:00

Basil did most of the recent posting because I went for a girls "Sideways" weekend with my friend and 12 of her closest friends for her 40th birthday. It was a pretty inexpensive weekend because I carpooled the two hour drive with two other girls so gas was $10, and all 12 of us shared 4 hotel rooms. The whole weekend I used cash and spent $115, which included two meals, hotel room ($39) and wine tasting ($17), among miscellaneous other expenditures. The one hiccup was that I found my camera didn't work on the first day. Ugh! I thought I had just charged it, so in the back of my mind I kept thinking it was broken and I was going to have to replace it. Got home, plugged it into the charger, and it worked. What a relief!

Then Sunday evening I couldn't find my glasses. I'm probably legally blind without them (I wear contacts during the day, and only need the glasses for early a.m. and late p.m.) and I knew I'd last had them that morning in the hotel room. I always do a sweep of the room to see if we missed anything, but hadn't since it was only me and I thought I couldn't possibly leave anything behind. After fuming and searching everywhere for two days (and calling the hotel), I had pretty much falling into a funk thinking about shelling out money for new glasses on top of the car purchase, the glasses for my son and the unending dental work on my rotten teeth. This morning I awoke, walked over to my art table, picked up a stack of boxes and books (that Basil had cleared off his art table), and right there were my glasses in their case. Luckily they were next to another book, otherwise they would have been flattened. I was so happy that I made Basil open his eyes (an hour before his alarm goes off) and look at me so he could see I was wearing them. I had made him crazy yesterday with my moping about.

So today everything's great again (even though we found out yesterday that the Cressida needs four new tires), and I am once again annoying Basil with my unending cheerfulness.

Somebody's Got A Case Of The "Mondays" - Great Monday Posts, That Is

2007-06-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

Finance Psychology has a great post about parental responsibility (which we talked about here). You can check out their post, Parents Gone Wild - Stop and Set Some Limits, here.

And The Simple Dollar has a post titled What Aspects of Personal Finance Bring You Happiness?. Just reading about his happiness about taking control of his fiances brought my mood up considerably. You can read it here.

Wise Bread has a nice collection of horror stories in their post Our Worst Financial Mistakes and What You Could Learn From Them. Turn off the lights and lean in close to your screen - this is better than Stephen King. Click here if you dare.

We've Had A Little Work Done...

2007-06-11T07:42:00.001-07:00

...compliments of Bianca. I simply paced around behind her and "art directed." The experience of working together went so well I ended up sleeping on the couch.

In other news, we're off into the heart of the city to obtain registration for the new car, and to get me a haircut, my first since the beginning of January. I'm caving because I look like a Monchichi, and if my mom's going to be crying I want it to be because she hasn't seen me in years, not because of my hair.

Spoiled, Drag Racing Teens, Or, A Quick Snapshot Of the Future Debt-Ridden

2007-06-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children."

King Edward VIII

The man we bought the car spoke broken English. He was in his mid-fifties, healthy looking. I was standing on the curb with him as the ever lovely and fiscally sound Bianca drove the car around the block.

"My son," he said, shaking his head.

I thought he was addressing me. "Yes?"

"No, my son's car." He pointed to a late model Acura parked down the street. The axle was visible and the tires skewed at weird angles. "He is nineteen. Racing with friends. Around curves. Hit roadside, flip around, thank God no fence or poles."

"Kids," I said. I looked at the Acura. It looked brand new. Did I just say "kids?" I thought. What am I, sixty?

"My daughter, when it time to buy her car, she say, 'Father, I must have new. Must be new car.'" He sighed. And looked down the street. It looked like he was afraid Bianca was into her fifth donut turn in the parking lot of a Wendy's. "Now," he said, "she says to me, 'Father, you were right. I not need new car.' She cannot make the payments, you see. But I love my daughter. What she asks of me I must give."

"I see," I said, though I didn't.

There was a long moment where we just stood and looked down the street, trying to will Bianca and the gray car to appear.

"Your wife, she is very beautiful."

"Um, thank you. "

"I don't understand these children. They must have everything. I work my fingers to bone at my shop," he said, now getting really worked up. "Seven days a week, so that they can have what I didn't have. Now I must sell my backup car to pay for new underparts for son's car. " A real panic came into his face. "Now what happen if my car does not work? What happens if I cannot unlock door of shop? Me, my family, all dead. Dead! Because of racing with friends and smoking funny pot."

I did an eye opening look of shock. "Wow."

A noise came from down the street and the gray car came into view, Bianca smiling. So much for bargaining, I thought.

Later I was thinking about the man and his kids. Here's a guy who had sacrificed so much for his family. Took great care of his belongings, to the point where he owned a 1989 car with an interior that looked no different than if it had just come off the line. Contrast that with his son, hasn't worked for anything in his life, fat doobage hanging from a slack lip, doing seventy in a thirty-five and striking a curb with a 2006 Acura he has no respect for. A daughter, his "baby girl," who cares more about how she appears to strangers than her own family or financial well-being. It was strikingly clear and laid bare before me: this is America. Right here. From hardworking immigrants to careless, culture-drugged morons unable to form one thought of gratitude for anything they've been lucky to receive.

Now take this down the road. Two, three generations from now. Generation Z 1a, or whatever they'll be calling them, lives literally nothing but noisy and beepedy-boopedy technological distractions from morning until night, spoiled by crap bought for them on credit by strapped out parents looking for the easy way to gain love.

Jeez, I'm talking like I'm sixty.

I Bought a Car!

2007-06-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

Last night I drove the car we'd looked at yesterday. The interior was great and it drove well. The A/C and stereo even worked. Yes, the key was stuck, but you could actually take the entire cylinder out, and I think we'll have that looked at to see how much it would cost to fix. Also, the spare tire needs replacing, but he took $100 off the price. Being a research junkie, I checked out the Kelly Blue Book value and even with all the miles, it was a good deal. Plus, my boss had helped his nephew buy a car a couple of years ago and it was an '87 Camry with the same number of miles, and he's still driving it and has had no problems. Of course, now I feel like I should be cutting back on spending even more, even though I have the cash in the emergency fund. It doesn't help that I went to the dentist yesterday for yet another crown, paid my $178 outstanding bill (which doesn't include the crown), and have yet another crown due in my future. (My teeth that have 20-year-old silver fillings in them are now cracking in half. Ugh!)
On the plus side, I called Number One Son to tell him the good news and he said congratulations. I told him it wasn't for me, but for him. He was silent for a few seconds and then profusive with his thanks. Now he wants us to send photos (he's away for the summer).
So even though we were going to wait to buy him the car, I feel like we found a good deal and we'll be paying cash for it tonight. I told Basil he could drive it this summer on the 95+ degrees because he's doesn't have air conditioning. He said that maybe he'd keep it and give the boy his car that has no a/c, not much of a radio and the right-side passenger window that doesn't roll down. I told him he'd have to check with the boy.

Using the Emergency Fund Already....

2007-06-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

I was so excited to get my emergency fund pie chart up, and now I may be updating it...but not for the better. Basil and I were planning on buying Number One Son a car, or helping him buy one next spring for summer internships, etc. Nothing fancy, just dependable -- and cheap. Well, since we've been talking about it, we've also started commenting on cars for sale that we see. Usually we're joking as they're old giant SUVs or cars where one door is a different color than the rest of the car. This morning after an early hike, we spotted one on our street for $1750 -- and it actually didn't look too bad. Basil went back and looked at it (a Toyota Cressida) and said it was automatic, had a moon roof, and looked well-taken care of. He was home from work today, so he contacted the owner (a teenager, but "clean cut") and took it for a drive. It was a 1989 and had over 250,000 miles on it, but they'd just put a transmission and a radiator in it. All the power locks and windows worked. The only "minor" problem with it is that you can't take the key out. I asked Basil, "What do you mean you can't take the key out?" Well, apparently if you take the key out the steering wheel locks up and you can't get it back in. Hmmmmmm.... Basil assures me that he can rig something to hide the key. So I'm taking it for a drive tonight to see for myself.

Kwote Korner

2007-06-06T07:23:00.001-07:00

"To take what there is, and use it, without waiting forever in vain for the preconceived - to dig deep into the actual and get something out of that - this doubtless is the right way to live."

Henry James

Wait - I Have Savings?!?!

2007-06-05T15:36:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been a while, but I just checked my savings account statement the other day (it's not hooked up to my checking, so I tend to ignore it), and realized that I've actually been saving a little lately. In the month of April, I put $1000, in May - $400, and in June - $1400 (cash back from son's college). For the whole year, I've made $72 in interest. So my total savings is up to $6254. I need an emergency fund and haven't decided how much it should be. Three months would be $7200 and I'm almost there. Six would be better, but would be $15,400. My next step is to get one of those bar graphs to chart my progress and post in on the blog home page (along with Basil's debt), but I haven't gotten around to figuring out how to do it yet. Any tips would be appreciated.

Strange, Tingling Sensation

2007-06-04T10:12:00.001-07:00

I've somehow managed to save around $400 over the last month. The last time I saved this much money Bill Clinton was in office.

Seriously.

The reason for the savings push is that my parents are flying in for a few days in a week and a half. So instead of putting everything on a credit card during that time, I simply kept money made from my sales on etsy.com sitting in my Paypal account, and did not use any of it to pay down debt. To obtain this money, Paypal enacts a four day waiting period before it transfers it to my bank account. So it's nicely out of reach.

The debt war lulls a bit, but I'm feeling good knowing I have money to spend when the peeps are in town and I don't have to keep taking them "people watching" in the park and serving them fabulous dinners of balogna and cheese sandwiches. As soon as I get their asses back on the plane though, the war resumes. I'm losing the taste of debt blood, and let me tell you something: I'm gettin' thirsty.

New debt total is: $15,012.34

We're Out of Control!

2007-06-03T18:57:00.001-07:00

Whew! Made it through the weekend, though the damage was pretty severe. We ate out Thursday (Mexican - $32), Friday (Chinese - $45), Saturday (Burgers - $22) and Sunday (Breakfast - $27). That's $126! Basil sometimes complains that I spend too much on groceries when I go over $400 a month, but I get a lot more than four meals out of it. Now we have a moratorium on eating out until his parents get here June 14 (except that it's Number Two Son's birthday this next week, so we may have to go out once, though I'll see if I can cook him a special dinner instead). And every time it seemed like we had a good excuse. Thursday night we were trying to make the free movie and thought we'd have to eat while we waited in line, though when we arrived, there was no line, so we just ate at the restaurant. Friday night we were celebrating (always with eating out) Number One Son's last night with all four of us before he went to visit his father for the summer. Saturday we went to pick up Number Two Son after he took his SATs, and he didn't get done until 1 p.m., so we ran out to (where else?) In-n-Out. Then Basil volunteered to go with me to take Number One Son to the airport at 5 a.m. and he wanted to go out to breakfast since we never do that (and we're trying to be bizarro). We're out of control! I need to think up a suitable punishment for us if we even attempt to cross the threshold of a restaurant (or drive-thru). I wonder if I could get some electrodes so we'd be shocked if we entered any eating establishment. Hmmmm.....maybe I'm onto something....

Free Movie=Koo Koo Krazies

2007-05-31T22:47:00.001-07:00

The Bizarro household loves us some free cinema. We mine the alternative papers for free screening notices, and belong to a screening organization that is always emailing us about upcoming free screenings.

There's only one problem. Apparently "Free screening" can be interpreted as, "If you are batshit crazy, please attend and make sure your phobias, faked seizures and jibber jabber looney-tuney crazy talk muscles are toned and ready. We look forward to seeing you."

We went to see Knocked Up this evening. As we sat waiting for the film to begin, a local radio station came out and started giving out promotional hats and shirts from their station and the movie. One fellow in a yarmulke stood up and began screaming, and I mean screaming for a free hat. The radio station guy looked at him and said, "This guy is at every screening I go to." He sighed and gave the guy a hat just to shut him up. Next came the tube tops. The radio station guy said, "Whoever wants one, come and get it!" Several girls happily ran down the steps and collected their gaudy neon colored tube tops, and right on their heels was a woman of around 255 pounds, about 65 years old, running to claim up her tube top. There was some gasping and uncomfortable laughter as grandma made her way back to her seat, clutching her prize like it was a newborn.

And here's where I thought, There's actually a group of people who do nothing but come to these screenings. I looked around and began to spot them. People wearing The Truth About Cats and Dogs hats. The Marine t-shirts. Some of them were talking to themselves. Several of them had headphones around their necks. They all carried large canvas bags of some kind, and they all seemed to know each other. And they damn near salivated over the cheap-ass swag. They swarmed the small radio station table and snatched up key chains and bumper stickers, cramming it all into their large bags and looking around like the proverbial cats with mouths stuffed full of canaries. Their eyes gleamed and sparkled.

"Christ," I hissed through my teeth. Bianca grabbed my arm. Soon the lights began to dim, and Mr. Yarmulke and Grandma Tube Top gathered their coats and bags and made for the exit. My God, I thought. There's actually a sub-category of these attendees: those that grab the swag and leave without watching the movie. Amazing. I felt like an anthropologist in Crazy Town.

About halfway through this terrific movie, a woman simply lost it, loudly talking gobbledy-gook to someone next to her, and she had to be forcefully removed from the theater, security dragging her away as she screamed, "But you don't understand, it takes nine months to make a baby!"

Like I said, it was a great movie. If you go free, though, you gotta sit through the crazy. You gotta pay somethin'.

Life Takes Debt

2007-05-31T15:17:00.001-07:00

When I'm in a funk, my mind tends to get very interested in things like conspiracy theories, paranoia, etc. It's like I'm a pothead, but I don't smoke pot.

So I'm examining things from all angles, and one thing always gets my blood up are these credit card cheerleaders. They just get so excited about the wonders of credit cards. These people probably Tivo an entire evening of television, then fast forward through the shows hoping there's a Visa commercial or ten. Maybe like the one where the woman in a drab work suit with the glasses breaks the heel off her shoe, and the magical singing black lady gives her a credit card and suddenly she's glasses-less and wearing a hot red dress and viola! she's now someone "dudes" would "bang?" It's plastic porn. It's consumerist masturbation. It's also utter shite and a glaring, loud demonstration of what's wrong with our society.

My crazy, mixed-metaphor mind ramblings came up with this scattered thought. Here is how the match up works between the credit card company and the debtor:

Credit Card Company

Focuses on: You. And you alone. Sure, they may have millions of other customers, but if you think you can escape their omniscient gaze, try being a half a day late on your payment. Religious people wish their god was this involved in their day-to-day affairs.

You

Focuses on: What to put on in the morning. The drab gray dress suit with the glasses? Of course! What is this, a Visa commercial? Make breakfast. Rush hour traffic, then eight hours of work. Co-workers, perhaps a boss you don't like, wondering if your career is stalled out, is the dry cleaning done? Should I eat out or eat this crappy sandwich? Solitaire. Online poker. Emails to send and answer. Traffic. Mail. Bills? Credit card bills? Throw 'em in the pile on the desk. If there are kids, help with homework. Feed the dog/cat/bird/ferret/boa constrictor (goat). More email? Balance the checkbook. Television? Time with loved one. They probably want a back rub. Yep. They're trading it for sex. Damn it.

The theory is, you're too damn busy to properly address your debt. You cannot compete with the attention your credit card company is giving you. And by being a Forgetful Frankie or Fannie, you are more likely to fail. It is in the best interest of the credit cards that you are so swamped with life that you can't make an effective anti-debt soldier. Your debt becomes just another aspect of your already too-busy life. Life takes Visa, and Visa helps make life more complicated. It's a cycle.

What do you go through in a typical day? Where is your focus at? What I'm getting at is that credit card companies have nothing to do but to monitor your account 24/7. And not just your account with them, but ALL your accounts (some companies bump up your APR if you're late on something like a mortgage payment or gas bill). So tell me, what is the level of your focus? This debt repayment thing is like a staring contest. Every month you make your payment, the contest goes on a little bit longer. But if you blink (make a mistake), just for the briefest of moments, your opponent doesn't just gloat a little bit and want to continue the game.

No, the second you blink your opponent pulls out a gun and shoots you between the eyes.

That's why it's a good idea to set up an automatic payment system if your bank offers it. With Bank of America, all my bills are pre-scheduled and paid on time, and even if I make a payment day-of, it pays it first thing and I am not charged any late fees. It took me quite a while to make the check to electronic switch, but in terms of sharpening my focus, my "stare" if you will, it has certainly been worth it and I wish I'd done it sooner.

April Income/Expenses

2007-05-29T21:02:00.001-07:00

See, I still have two days left of May and I'm getting my April income/expense sheet up. I think it's partially late because I've been afraid of what I would find. Yes, we're in the red by $1029, which is due to my plane ticket to visit my grandmother ($280) as well as my extensive dental work ($471). Luckily we had a great month in March, so we haven't bounced any checks, though you'll notice that the credit card payments are down. This is also due to the fact that Basil's family is visiting in June, so he's saving his crafty side-business income for June, rather than making extra credit card payments. Also, rent increased $100 a month, so we'll have to get used to that.

The other really big increase is gasoline. Just two months ago we were paying $250 a month for gas, then March was $350 and now April is $375! That's $125 more! During the week we pretty much just commute to work (public transportation isn't much of an option where we live). I drive 20 miles round trip and Basil logs 50 miles. The problem is our weekend, because to do our free things, we sometimes drive a little distance. Maybe we should try to do as little driving as possible one month to see if we can bring that down. That would be tough, but worth it.

Our dining was half of last month, but still more than we'd like at $306. Plus, we had a visiting teenager, so groceries were up to $514.

Our household expenses were way down as we only bought a water purifier pitcher for the fridge, to cut down on buying bottled water. We'll check out next month to see if that worked.

Everything else is pretty self-explanatory. We only get an electric bill every other month, but it's still cool, so there are no outrageous a/c-related expenses yet. Basil has to have rivulets of sweat dripping off his horned-rim glasses before I'll allow him to turn it on anyway.

So with $125 more a month in gas and $100 more in rent, that's $225 that we have to figure out where to cut or bring in as more income. I may have to start my own crafty side business.

Kwote Korner

2007-05-29T21:00:00.001-07:00

"The choice of a certain way of life...demands from the individual a total change of lifestyle, a conversion of one's entire being, and ultimately a certain desire to be and live in a certain way." - Pierre Hodot

i.e., Bizarro World.

What I Did With My Windfall

2007-05-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

Busy weekend, but I really am going to get the April expenses/income posted before June. I still have three days and four hours, or 78 hours. I'm posting to report the good deeds I did today. I had received over $3000 back from Number One Son's college, as overpayment, so before it dwindled away in my checking account, I did something with it. I put $1000 into the Roth IRA that I finally set up last year (it had been on my "to do" list for a looooonnnnnngggg time. Then I transferred $1500 over to my high interest savings account. That only leaves me $500 to spend on things like the $270 eye exam and glasses I just got for Number One Son, as well as the dental work I have coming up in June. Oh, yeah....I was supposed to save some for a much needed weekend with Basil....I guess it's a walk through the park and a popsicle.

Frugal Babe Has Debt On The Ropes

2007-05-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

One of our all-time favorite debt bloggers has her debt by the throat. Bianca and I would like to give "mad props" to Frugal Babe, who will have her debt payed off this summer. Read the good news here.

As the esteemed AC/DC once said, "For those about to rock, we salute you." Consider yourself saluted, Frugal Babe.

Well done.

A Secret I Will Not Be Sharing

2007-05-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted lately, because my mental state has been in flux, and not in a good way. Sometimes when I gets to thinkin', I take a tumble down a slippery slope that always ends in a world view that is none too pretty. A lot of it comes from the stresses of the debt war. The way my hair looks after it has grown out a bit too much from my free buzz cuts (someone told me one warm day that I looked like a wet chicken). The constant reports of deaths of good Americans in a war without end. Co-workers I'd like to see fall through my imaginary trap door, under which I house my imaginary giant cross-cut shredder. Etc., etc., etc. Blah, blah...blah.

A funk, if you will.

I'm just in a very pessimistic "space" right now.

Which is weird, because not too long ago I was feeling better than I had in years. Let me explain: Bianca brought home three CD's her co-worker had burned. It was The Secret. So I popped in the first disc, and lo and behold I actually started listening to what was being said. The beginning of CD 1 had some very intriguing ideas about showing gratitude for what you have. I really responded to this. I mean, I'd been so incredibly focused on this huge negative thing (my debt), that I had completely blocked from my mind what I did have. And let me tell you, I have a lot to be grateful for. In fact, my wealth in my personal life is beyond what I could ever wish for. So after I finished the gratitude portion of the disc, I experienced the best couple of days; a wave of positive energy coursed through me, and I actually could feel what it might feel like with my debt gone. I've got to see what else these discs contain, I thought. If this is the beginning, what other wonders lie inside?

And so I finished it and began to mull over what I had listened to and came to the realization it was the biggest load of horses--t I've ever heard. (For a fantastic summary, read Get Rich Slowly's take, which I wholeheartedly agree with, here.) Ugh. So, there went my mood. It's a freaking roller coaster, this Secret. There are some good points in there (particularly about showing gratitude for what you have), but when it departs from reality altogether, whoo-boy. It gets stinky.

Anyway, I have to get back to my funk. I'm grateful to have it. There's a story the artist Tony Millionaire told in an interview. He and his friend were walking down the street, and his friend began cackling.

"What are you laughing at?" Millionaire asked.

His friend replied "Just the horror of being alive."

Camping or Vegas?

2007-05-24T15:54:00.001-07:00

It's a dilemma....Basil and I have a child-free weekend the end of June and as it's my birthday the middle of the month (when Basil's family is visiting), we decided we should do something for the weekend so that I can be the center of attention. Every other time we've been without kids, one or both of us has been sick. Basil never gets sick and never goes to the doctor, but this past Christmas he was sick in bed for over a week with what I suspect was pneumonia (never doctor-confirmed, of course). Last year Number Two Son went away for spring break, and Basil missed a whole week of work with the flu. This time we're determined to be healthy and have a good grown-up time. And what better place to be a grown-up than Vegas?! Unfortunately, after checking work schedules and hotel rates, we're not sure we can even get away. Plus we made a pro and con list and decided that for the money, we'd get more out of a camping trip to Santa Catalina Island. We both love to camp (okay, Basil more than me, but I still enjoy getting away from the crowds and hiking). Plus the campsite is $24 a night on a beach, and the boat ride out to the island is $59 each, so we're hoping it's a lot cheaper than a $100 hotel room and gas money to Vegas, not to mention restaurants and gambling. Some of our best vacations have been camping at Rocky Mountain National Park and Joshua Tree National Park. I think the fresh air, sun and sand will be more invigorating than the hot desert, crowds and mucho cigarette smoke. Now I just have to get in shape to make the seven mile hike from the boat to the campground.

As Long As No One Can See It....

2007-05-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

Basil just chastised me for having a hole in my tights that a six-week-old kitten could crawl through. It's above the hemline and I've had it for over two months, so as long as no one else knows....it's one of my weird frugal things...

Money Back from College!

2007-05-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

Last night didn't turn out exactly as we'd planned. We waited in a line for the free improv show and the cut-off ended up right in front of us. So we decided to go get something to eat and ended up at one of Basil's favorite "Rock 'n Roll" Thai restaurants which ended up costing $50, though we did have mucho leftovers. Not exactly a cheap or free night.

Good news today though -- got an e-mail from Number One Son's college with $$$$$ as the subject line. The college account finally paid, so I should be getting at least $2000 back that I overpaid last fall (she said the check would be mailed tomorrow). I'm trying not to think about all the interest I could have gotten on that, and just be happy that I got it back at all. A good chunk of that will go into my Roth IRA and the emergency savings account, but we did do a bit of spending today (on the credit card to be paid in full when the bill comes). We purchased a grill that was on sale for $89 (originally priced at $129), because Basil loves to cook on the grill and we thought we'd eat at home more if we had that option. In fact, Basil cooked out on it tonight. Then I took Number One Son clothes shopping since his shoes had a hole in the bottom and sides and I hadn't bought him anything since last fall. I spent around $123 and he got a pair of jeans, two shirts, a pair of shorts, running shoes and three pairs of underwear. I thought we did pretty well since everything was on sale. Those purchases also went on the credit card to be paid in full when it arrives. I feel good knowing that the money is coming, but will feel better when it's actually in my bank account.

We've Fallen Off the Wagon....

2007-05-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry, it's been so long since our last post. The monthly challenge kind of fell apart because there're two of us spending money, so we had problems getting it together at the end of the day. Also, as we spent more money, I think we were afraid to see how much was actually slipping through our fingers. I just put a bunch of receipts into Quicken and see we've already spent our allotment for groceries for the month and the dining is over $2oo as well. Sigh. We picked up Number One Son from college and so ate out fast food Thursday night, and Friday night we spent $74 for Mother's Day dinner for four of us. Today we did a little sightseeing (and eating) and spent $50 on lunch and Pinkberry's for four. But tonight we're going to a FREE improv show (we may have to pay for parking), and since we got tired around 3, we came home inbetween, so we most likely not be eating out dinner. At least now that I've seen the Quicken, I know that we shouldn't, but on the other hand, Number One Son is only here for two weeks, so I want to do fun (and tasty) things that cost money. At least I changed my payroll tax deductions at work and now my check is $17 higher a week (but I won't have the huge tax refund in the spring either).

Our Son Is Being Propositioned More Than A Hooker With All Of Her Teeth

2007-05-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

We receive Number One Son's mail as we are his permanent address while he is away at college. Every...single...freaking day our box contains at least one credit card offer for him.

A lot of PF bloggers were linking to some "savvy dude" who recently wrote a long, negative bit of nonsense about how people were blaming their credit cards for their debt. "You're the one who got yourself into debt," he sniffs. Yeah? No shit? Thanks, genius. I don't think I've met anyone who actually blames their credit card for getting them into debt. Did mine speak to me in a scary little fly voice? "Use me. Uuuuusssseeee meeee...." I certainly don't place that much power into a piece of plastic.

And as for these "credit card fans" out there, getting all excited about being able to rent a car (which can be done with a debit card), all those amazing points and cash back ($7 back on spending $700? You've got the world by a string!), how they're really sticking it to Visa, beating them at their own game. I don't know.

This is a multi-billion dollar industry that is making the majority of money on people not being able to pay off their balances. These are bad companies that have gotten very rich on preying on a nation's financial retardation. What a great deal - they get obscenely rich, AND get us to feel bad about ourselves. "Just providing a service." Uh huh.

I'm so happy all these people are taking control of their situations and many are blogging about it. Maybe someday we can find a way to band together and do something about the massive engines that gave us the wonderful tools to f--- ourselves so completely and thoroughly. Or are we going to wait until the APR bump for a late payment hits 60%? WE screwed up, WE are taking personal responsibility, but there has to be responsibility taken by the other side or this will be a ongoing cycle that will never end, at least until the next Depression. This has got to stop.

We're shredding Number One Son's credit card offers ($300 limit at 19.82%?). He certainly knows the deal on credit cards. We've broken one link on the chain.

Miracle - Bizarros Only Ate Out Once Over Weekend!

2007-05-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm proud to announce that the Bizarros only ate out once this past weekend (for us that's Friday night through Monday night as we both have Mondays off). It was difficult and involved in a lot of actually cooking on my part, but we did it. Basil and I ate cheap and fatty at In-n-Out Sunday while we were out goofing around for Mother's Day (the son had too much homework). We're trying to be good since we know that we're going to have to eat out Thursday night (have to pick up Number One Son from college) and Friday night we're going out to celebrate a combination Mother's Day, End of Freshman Year at College, and End of Advanced Placement Testing. I know I'll be spending some these next two weeks because my oldest will be here and I haven't seen him hardly at all in the past year (Christmas and Spring Break were both spent elsewhere). Plus we have Basil's family visiting in June. Lots of entertaining coming up, so we'd better cut out the unnecessary eating out. Easy to say...tough to do.

The Operative Word is FREE

2007-05-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

I kept wanting to blog about all our FREE stuff we did this past weekend, and now it's already Friday. We ate out a lot (all cheap, though I know that doesn't matter), but countered it with lots of activities that didn't cost us a dime. Friday night we had FREE movie passes that we'd gotten from a previous screening Basil and I had attended, so we took Number Two Son to see Hot Fuzz (avoiding the long Spiderman 3 lines). Parking was $2.
Saturday Basil and I used our Bank of America card to get in FREE to the Huntington Library, Art Collections and Botanical Gardens (normally $15 each). Wow - what a great FREEbie! We wandered through the Desert Garden, the Australia Garden, the Japanese Garden, the Rose Garden, and the Jungle Garden, plus saw a Gutenberg Bible and some wonderful works of art. We finally left, not because we'd seen everything, but because our stomachs were growling (it was 3 p.m.) and my back was killing me from all the walking around (I'm desk-bound most of the week). Basil called me a wimp and we headed out for a cheap lunch at In-n-Out ($10.29).
Monday evening we hit the local bookstore for a Chuck Palahniuk reading since Number Two Son is doing an American Lit assignment on a book of his choice - Fight Club. Basil has read a lot of his novels, and I had actually just read Fight Club as well (since I had to sign a permission note for my 16-year-old to read it and thought I'd better find out why he needed my permission).
It was a long evening as we arrived at 4:30, and the reading didn't start until 6:30, but well worth it because in addition to hearing two short stories not published anywhere, he handed out FREE stuff! Everyone got at least one FREE fake cigarette, the kind that looks real and if you blow into it, talcum powder comes out and looks like smoke. Someone actually handed Basil a handful to pass out and he ended up with a bunch left over. Score! (As a side note, Basil has never smoked and hates cigarette smoke, but likes to pretend with toothpicks and bits of grass, so he's in heaven). At the end of the reading, he started throwing out various rubber toys, and Basil was quick enough to grab an autographed squeaky hamburger. Now Number Two Son has a prop for his oral report at the end of the year! Yay! We had purchased a book that was previously signed, which was good because the line was too long to wait in, especially on a school night when there was homework to be done.
We're glad to find out that with a little digging, you can find many cool things to do that don't cost any money. You might just have to look a little harder to find them.

Keeping Up With The Joneses

2007-05-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

Keeping up with the Joneses was not how I got into debt. You can read my tragic story here.

However, I think that this is why a great deal of people go into debt. They may be at a level they are comfortable with, then lose a job or suffer some other misfortune, and rather than scale back to deal with the situation, they use consumer credit to maintain appearances.

Before you feel the need to keep up with them, here are some things to remember about the Joneses.

• Mr. Jones hates the song "Mr. Jones" by the Counting Crows. Mrs. Jones, however, loves that Mr. Jones hates "Mr. Jones." She plays it often.

• Mrs. Jones wipes boogers underneath the leather seat of her leased BMW 350i. She also does a good deal of her "stress crying" in there.

• Mr. and Mrs. Jones' kids hate riding the four wheelers their father bought for them on his gold card. Mr. and Mrs. Jones know this. They make the kids ride them anyway; in his mind Mr. Jones bitterly imagines the kids jumping the four wheelers over the mountain of debt on his gold card.

• Mr. Jones thinks his coworkers think he's a "big man" because he drives a brand new Hummer H3 that lost $4,000 when the rear wheels hit the pavement off the car dealership lot. Mr. Jones' coworkers think he's a "tool."

• Yes, Mr. Jones owns a flatscreen (via Discover). No, you can not come watch the game on Sunday. Why? Mr. Jones can't afford cable. Mr. Jones would not admit this if his fingernails were being removed with a pair of needle-nosed pliers. A fine evening of flatscreen entertainment for Mr. Jones involves the following: the creepy cold shoulder from Mrs. Jones, a dimming of the lights, a coffee mug full of vodka and a run through of "Married With Children" on the local Fox affiliate. The Bundys are HD-larious! Wait - it's just the vodka mixing with the anger that produces a potent hallucinogenic effect. At 1:30 a.m., is there any difference between laughing and crying?

• Mrs. Jones likes to talk movies with her neighbor, Fran. Mrs. Jones likes to brag about buying DVD's. "It's easier than renting, plus you can re-watch them anytime!" Not only has Mrs. Jones never watched her copy of "The Holiday," she doesn't have any idea what it's about, only that it stars that Joker-faced chick that was always kissing Justin Timberlake on the cover of Us Weekly. Fran thinks to herself, How quick could I be with these rose shears? Would I feel anything?

• Mrs. and Mr. Jones wish they were you.

I Wants My Money!

2007-05-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

Today I channeled Bizarro World. I needed all of its power.

I went in and asked for a raise.

For the last four months I've been obsessed with getting paid more. I would replay the raise-asking scenario in my mind over and over, and I won't lie to you, sometimes in my mental movie my boss' office ended up slathered in my blood. Some fantasies involved settling it with a joust, others with us wearing trucker hats and sleeveless jean shirts and lots of cock rock and sweaty arm wrestling like in Stallone's 1987 film "Over the Top." Most of the time it was me grabbing a pen from the cup on his desk and lunging, just a full-on, scrambling, paper-scattering lunge.

Instead, I took a deep breath, gathered my Bizarro World confidence about me, and laid out why I thought I deserved a significant raise and a reduction in the amount of days I worked. I started out higher than I normally would have, and ended up well above what I would have been happy with. Plus I shaved a day off my work week. It was a win, both for me and for my debt reduction.

Pre-Bizarro World I would never in a million years have done that. I did the opposite, and it worked. Perhaps it was my eyes constantly shifting to the cup full of pens that did it.

Get Happy, Damn You!

2007-05-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

One of the themes that Bianca and I try to live by, the "Bizarro World Code," if you will, is this:

If your life sucks, try doing the opposite. Bizarro was the opposite of Superman - Superman blew ice cold breath, while Bizarro blew fire. Superman was handsome, Bizarro ugly as sin.

Waaaaaay before "The Secret," Bianca and I stumbled upon this. We were negative thinkers. "Boo hoo," we were often known to exclaim. "How awful our life is! Rue this putrid world!" Then we said, what would happen if we started thinking positively? And the second we started thinking positively, our life began moving in a positive direction. "What is this?" we'd say, startled and blinking. "What is this madness? This strange sensation? It burns! It burrrrrrnnnnns!"

Needless to say, this new feeling took some getting used to. We'd often want to dive back into our negative black holes, looking for the protection of old behaviors and patterns. We'd howl and hiss at the light like pissed-off marmots. But soon the good feeling was just too good to resist. Not long after we had moved out of the middle of nowhere to a better place and a better life.

The secret has been there all along. And it was hidden in the theme song to "The Partridge Family." "C'mon, get happy! It will change your f----ing life." That lyric was in the full 12" single, not in the short theme that played before the show.

One Month Challenge - Day 19

2007-05-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

Dining: $30.31
Fuel: $39.83
Groceries for #1 Son "Get Thee Through Finals" care package: $21.74

Total: $91.88

There's really no getting around that we have dropped a hell of a lot of dime lately.

One Month Challenge - Day 18

2007-05-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

Number 1 Happiness Super Fun extra credit card payment from Crafty Side Business: $16.50
Groceries: $8.50
Postage for Crafty Side Business shipping: $6.15
Books (copy of "Fight Club, copy of "Rant," both to be signed by Chuck Palahniuk at reading): $42.11 (This is one of our indulgences; Bianca and I are avid readers, and if there is a chance to see one of our favorite authors give a reading, the money spent on a book to be signed is money well spent. Most times we already have a book in our collection to be signed. We're nerds, yes. Sweet, beautiful bibliophiliac nerds.)
Dining: $15.43

Total: $88.69.

This day was a Day Well Lived. In our book, any money under $100 spent during a DWL is free and clear. It most likely fueled the DWL, kept it rolling, assisted in its own way. We'll let it go. If it was over $100, suddenly it becomes less a DWL and more a "Jesus, we just blew x amount of dollars."

One Month Challenge - Day 17

2007-05-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

Dining: $14.48
Groceries: $19.00

Total: $33.48

One Month Challenge - Day 16

2007-05-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Crazy Extra Super A+ credit card payment using funds from Crafty Side Business: $15.00
Groceries: $30.69
Mother's Day gift for my sweet, gray-haired mother who drives me positively batshit: $16.24
Dining: $10.29

Total: $72.22

An Onion Article About Blogging

2007-05-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

Classic.

You can read it here.

"I'm just doing this for me, after all."

One Month Challenge - Day 15

2007-05-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

The legendary debt warrior Debt Blitzkrieg has joined us in monitoring daily spending. We hope she finds it as useful as we have.

Misc (sun shade for my feminine "ride", compact flourescent bulb - green points!, etc.): $15.00
Groceries: $63.95 ($3.00 in coupons, free 2 liter of soda)
Sigh........dining (Basil): $7.98
Diet Coke (Basil again): $0.75
Parking for free movie: $2.00 (used free passes to see "Hot Fuzz" while every other resident in the city was trying to get into "Spider-man 3")
Car and rental insurance: $103.56
Extra credit card payment: $10.00

Total: $203.24

I'm off the rails. Need to reign this s--- in. The first couple months were great, now I've fallen off the wagon and and in the gutter, mumbling to myself and not noticing I've wet my britches. Not good. But we're seeing how much eating out is costing us - we're trying to act how we'd normally act, and unfortunately this is how I used to act - offsetting the stress of debt with yummy sandwiches slathered in honey mustard. Perhaps some Cheetos.

The new debt numbers are in! The debt now stands at $15,504.19. Down from $18,264.53 in January. $2,760.34 paid off so far this year. Need to do better. The goal is to get under ten large by year's end, even if it means just getting to $9,999.99.

NCN On The Telly

2007-05-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

NCN, one of the best debt bloggers around, got profiled on television! Check it out....here!

What Do Your Clothes Say About You?

2007-05-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve noticed I’ve accumulated a lot of shoes. I feel bad about it. First of all, I don’t usually throw shoes out unless they’re seriously out of style (circa 1985) or if they’re so worn out I have to purchase band-aids at the end of the day. Actually, I still have problems throwing them out because they may be just the shoe to complete the perfect outfit for some upcoming unknown event. I’ve also noticed that although I do have cheap shoes ($20 and less), as I’ve gotten older I’ve tended to spend more in the $50-$60 range for footwear. Now I know that’s cheap compared to $600 Manolo Blahniks, but it’s still a large portion of my clothing allowance. I especially feel guilty since the two sons I buy clothing for each got a $50 pair of shoes last fall and that’s it, while since then I’ve bought three pairs at $50 and a couple at $30. Plus Basil puts me to shame because he often buys thrift store shoes for $10-$15, and wears them until his socks are getting dirty from the many holes in them.
But that’s where most of my clothing money goes. Everything else is on sale, and usually cheap. Plus if I really like something, I wear it until I’m forced to retired it from public viewing due to holes or stains (and then they sometime become “paint” clothes). I have two skirts I bought at Target for $20 each (one black - one grey) that are a classic style and I’ve been wearing them to work (on and off) for nine years. Other times, I do a quick scan of what I’m wearing and realize that the jeans were $9 and the shirt $10 (both on clearance), and the shoes (at $50) are the most expensive thing I’m wearing.
Basil and I both love to thrift shop, though we’ve cut back lately, and for the men in the family we’ve found great t-shirts for $1.50: a red one that says “MENTAL” for Basil, one that says “Vietnam Break Dancing” for Number One Son, and one that says “I [heart] hip hop” for Number Two Son. You can’t find t-shirts like that just anywhere.
I also have a favorite pair of jeans that are around six years old that have one knee totally ripped out, and a patched hole in the back by the pocket, plus I recently spilled beige paint all down one leg. The other day I had them on with a frilly lace beige top while I was trying to decide whether to wear a skirt or jeans. Basil said I looked good with the torn, stained jeans, so I added cool shoes and an armful of bracelets and went bohemian for the day.
So what interesting frugal clothing stories do you have?

One Month Challenge - Day 14

2007-05-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

Bianca dining: $5.79
Groceries: $29.46

My $2.65 Meal

2007-05-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

This is just a post explaining my $2.65 meal yesterday. I didn't really want to eat out, but we wanted to go to one of those super warehouse stores to get some cheap crafty supplies, and as we don't have a card for one, my friend at work volunteered to take me on our lunch break. This friend eats out every day and can't understand why I don't always want to go out to lunch with her (it's not her because we sit next to each other and talk all day long and wouldn't have it any other way). So when I mentioned the warehouse, she said "Sure! We can eat lunch there, too!" Now, since she was doing me a favor, I figured I'd better eat out with her. Wow - what a bargain! I got a gigantic slice of combo pizza (sausage, pepperoni, mushroom, onion, green pepper and black olive) for $1.99 and a refillable glass of Diet Coke for 55 cents! Not terribly healthy, but cheap. My friend got a large hot dog and a drink for $1.50, but if you wanted to eat healthy, you could get a chicken Caesar salad for $3.69. Plus you don't need the warehouse card to get the food.
I told Basil I'd have to take him there sometime, because 1) it's somewhere new and 2) Basil is always up for cheap food.

People Using Plastic For "Micro-Payments"

2007-05-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

When Kai Ryssdal is isn't narrating my stamp purchases, he's reporting things like this: "MasterCard says its quarterly profits jumped 70% over this time last year. Cardholders used the plastic 16% more, spending $509 billion."

I'm a little disturbed by a credit card company's profits making a jump like that, but deeper in the story there may be some better news, particularly when it comes to debit cards.

From the story:

"Analyst Anarag Rana of Key Bank Capital Markets says the card industry is reaping the benefits of the push to go cashless for small purchases.

ANARAG RANA: These guys have an initiative to penetrate the sub-$20 transaction market. That marketplace that was sort of insulated from, you know, card-based payments for some time.

And it's not all about racking up credit card debt, either.

David Robertson is publisher of the Nilson Report, which analyzes the card industry.

DAVID ROBERTSON: What is happening in the United States is the great use of the debit card. We're now a debit card country more than a credit card country."

You can listen to or read the transcript of the story here.

One Month Challenge - Day 13

2007-05-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

Working and the Crafty Side Business are taking their toll on yours truly. Fell asleep on the couch as soon as I got home tonight. I'm getting burned out. Here's the numbers for today:

Crafty Side Business supplies: $21.10
Dining (Bianca): $2.65
Fuel: $37.82 (Grrrrrrrrr...$3.57 a gallon for regular unleaded. When I'm gassing up I actually make a growling sound in my head. If I was in a cartoon a dark squiggly line would be in the air above my furrowed forehead)

While our dining out seems to be something we're not quite ready to give up completely, at least we eat cheap. This couple trying to dispense debt dropped $300 on dinner the other night. Makes $2.65 sound downright frugal.

We haven't paid to go to the movies since December. There was some talk about paying to go see Spider-Man 3 this weekend (matinee, natch), but the advance word from people I trust that have seen it is "stinky." We'll pass. The movie will make a billion dollars, we just won't be throwing ours on the pile. Instead we're hitting some free museums this weekend, taking advantage of Bank of America's program, which Bianca detailed here.

Can I Afford Jury Duty?

2007-05-02T19:43:00.000-07:00

It finally happened. I got summoned to jury duty. Almost everyone at work as been called, so I suppose it was just a matter of time. Before moving to this state, I was summoned once, but when I called the weekend I was supposed to, I didn't have to go in. I later received a notice asking me what month would be good for me to serve. Since I knew I was moving out of state in July, I put down September, and sure enough, that August I got a summons, only now I could say I'd moved out of state. I know, I know, I should want to perform my civic duty. At a previous job I had, the company paid you when you went to jury duty. A co-worker there said it was great - she just read a book and then got dismissed. Got paid for a day AND did her civic duty. Not the company I work for now.
I really wouldn't mind serving except for the financial hardship and the fact that I hate courthouses. Somehow I always feel like I've done something wrong as soon as I've walked inside one. I was a nervous wreck just getting my maiden name changed back after I got divorced.
Plus, there's the financial hardship. Unfortunately, they now put that you must suffer from EXTREME financial hardship. It's all relative though. It wouldn't be extreme if it were only for one day, but if I lost five days of work, then it's extreme. Also, I work four 10-hour days, with Monday off. So if I have to go in on a Monday, no big deal, but any other day is a quarter of my workweek. I debated the fact with my co-workers and everyone had a different way to try to get out of it, mostly not entirely ethical. I finally decided to be as truthful as possible. I'm going to put down that it will be an extreme financial hardship, and if they question that, then I'll have to go, but I'm not going to pretend that I can afford it.

One Month Challenge - Day 12

2007-05-01T23:23:00.000-07:00

Rent: $1,400.00
Credit card payment: $186.00
Postage for Crafty Side Business: $6.30

Total: $1,592.30

Whew. That's quite a day.

More real posts coming soon. We've been life-swamped.

One Month Challenge - Day 11

2007-04-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

Today we were also both off work and ran errands after a two hour free hike in the morning.

Gas - $38.39
Groceries - $8.65
Oil Change and Car Wash - $35.77
Eating Out (I know, I know, bad Bizarros) - $12.03
Art Supplies - 50 cents

Total - $95.34

One Month Challenge - Day 10

2007-04-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

Today was dangerous because it was a Sunday and Basil and I tend to want to get out of the apartment, which usually means spending money. I returned a shirt I bought last month because I decided it didn't really fit right, so I got to credit $16.23 to the store credit card. We did eat out (did I mention that it's our favorite pastime?), but used a coupon for Subway from the Sunday paper and got both our meals for $7.99 plus tax. Also used two 30% off coupons at the art supply store (one of our obsessions), but only purchased three brushes and a tube of paint.
Eating out - $8.65
Art Supplies - $14.01
Groceries - $9.36
Shipping for Crafty Side Business - $2.43

Total: $34.45

One Month Challenge - Day 9

2007-04-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Got behind on our One Month Challenge updates so here is Saturday's:
Groceries - $34.44
Eating Out - $17.69
Quarters for Laundry - $20.00

Total: $72.13
I know we're not supposed to be eating out, but we took the recycling in and got $13.00 which would have been enough for us at In-n-Out, but we wanted to take Number 2 Son, so I used some money I had left over from my trip to Illinois.

One Month Challenge - Day 8

2007-04-27T22:27:00.000-07:00

Library fine (bad, Basil, bad!) - $1.50
Groceries (two coupons used - free 2 liter and $1 off) - $7.08

Total: $8.58

The Goods

2007-04-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

Frugal For Life has the goods on being frugal. Check it out here.

It's a great site - I don't know why "frugal" has become such a bad word in our culture, but this site makes frugal cool.

One Month Challenge - Day 7

2007-04-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

Craft supplies for Bianca - $10.82

Free Museums Visits in May!

2007-04-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

I recently got my bank statement from Bank of America and buried in the middle of the first page was a paragraph saying that select museums in the Northeast and California would be free during the month of May. I just saw a post on Boston Gal's Open Wallet about it and it reminded me that May is almost here. Just show your BofA ATM or MBNA credit card and you and a guest get in free. Check out here for a list of museums participating. Basil and I are definitely planning some free museum trips in March as the Huntington Library in Pasadena is on the list and I've wanted to go there for two years, but didn't want to cough up the $15 a person. Maybe we can combine the museum visits with college tours in the same areas -- won't Number 2 Son be excited.

March Income and Expenses

2007-04-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

I know it seems like forever for me to get the monthly expenses up, but I know from experience, that there's always something that doesn't get entered into Quicken, so I have to wait until I get our bank statement. Sure enough, Basil and I each forgot to enter a deposit for a paycheck, which is why I was panicking that we were going to run out of money. It was an insane month for income and expenditures, but I'll try to explain them all. First of all, I dropped the cents part of the chart since it was just distracting.
Art income was way up because I sold two paintings (yea!) and Basil sold mucho items in his crafty side business. Salaries were also up because I get paid weekly and there were five Fridays in March. On top of that we both got our tax refunds back, plus Basil still gets birthday checks from his relatives because he writes great thank you notes. I know I've about given up sending gifts to nieces and nephews because I never get thank you notes. I'd even take an e-mail thank you, but noooooooo. We also got a partial security deposit refund (see previous post). Anyway, we had a LOT of income for March. On to the expenditures....
We also spent a lot.
Art expenses and supplies were up because we had some big projects.
Fuel was way up because my Number 3 Son was out visiting on his spring break and we drove him around sightseeing, etc.
Clothing: I splurged with some of my tax refund money and bought some work clothes and a nice outfit because we had a couple of events to go to.
Computer Expense: This is the Applecare for my new ipod. I've known too many people who's have crashed after a year, plus my old one died at two years and nine months, and as the Applecare is for three years, they had to replace it, and it's still going a year later after I gave it to my son.
Credit Card: Basil paid quite a bit and was happy about it.
Dining: Uh oh....how do I explain this? $604! When I told Basil to guess how much we spent he wasn't anywhere near close. Last month I lamented that we'd spent $273! All I can say is that we REALLY celebrated: Basil's birthday; Number 3 Son visiting; my selling two paintings; all three sons, Basil and myself getting together for the first time in over a year...you get the picture. Now with our monthly challenge, we should be better in April and May.
College Expenses: Emergency funds for Number 1 Son. You know--he's a college student, they always need money.
Education: AP Exam fees. I hope he passes at least one of them....
Gifts Given: Basil's birthday, plus my father's and Basil's brother's.
Groceries were right around where we want them....at least we're doing something right.
My tax preparation was paid, and well worth every penny as I had my refund in the bank while my niece was celebrating the fact that she had two extra days to procrastinate doing her taxes.
Next month things will settle down and I hope to add my savings and Roth IRA, etc. to this report. I did transfer $1000 over to my high interest savings account (close to 5%), and I'm still waiting for my college refund for Number 1 Son. Hopefully some of that will go into my Roth IRA.

One Month Challenge - Day 6

2007-04-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

As Basil is working late, I'll be in charge of giving today's finances. Especially since I did the spending.

Target: I returned a water purifier for $28.97 and purchased one that you fill and it sits in your fridge for $29.11 (trying to save on buying bottled water and the environmental impact of recycling all that plastic). Also purchased some groceries and hand soap: $27.70
Groceries: $6.78

Total: $34.48

Queer Eye For My Frugal Brother's Eye

2007-04-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

My brother is like the "Bizarro World" version of me. He's the opposite in every way: good looking, confident, athletic and financially successful. He's also the most frugal sonofabitch I've ever met.

My brother does not own a car and has not owned one for ten years. He takes public transportation everywhere. Whenever he orders a cola, he asks for no ice. "More per glass value," he says, "plus soda usually comes out cold from the fountain." He buys all his clothes at thrift stores. "I go to the ones in gay communities. The clothes are stylish and better taken care of." That's my cheap-ass, successful brother for you.

He just got a new fancy work-at-home gig for one of the nation's leading IT companies. He's going to be pulling in close to a hundred grand a year. Now if that happened to me, I'd go out and get a new desk, one of those swanky chairs with the ass-conforming micro-technofibers, maybe some of those clickety-clack balls. Not my brother. Here is my brother's set up: his desk is a card table. His chair? A $7 white plastic lawn chair with a pillow for comfort. His frugalness is blinding. I can't look directly at it.

He's had that chair so long that he had it during the brief "phenomenon" that was Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. In one of the episodes Carson had bitch-slapped some "dude" for having a chair similar to my brother's. "This is outdoor furniture!" Carson shrieked. So whenever I visit my brother I pick up that chair and pretend I'm going to throw it out. "This is outdoor furniture!" I yell.

We both laugh until we get thirsty and then we grab some iceless Cokes.

One Month Challenge - Day 5

2007-04-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

Our Sunday/Monday weekend over, let's hope the spending decreases during the week. Let's "do the numbers."

Postage for Crafty Side Business orders: $7.73
Fuel: $32.22

Total: $39.95

Hmm. Necessary spending, all. I'll let it go. THIS TIME.

A Very Special Post

2007-04-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

I didn't take the traditional ways into my debt dungeon. I didn't buy plasma televisions and take vacations to Maui or take out tons of student loans. Before I went into debt I was actually quite financially responsible. What happened? Oh, nothing much. I just went completely batshit crazy.

I remember the exact day I knew I was in some serious mental trouble. I was in my parents' basement, alone, having gone there to let out their dog since they were on vacation. I was standing there, in the middle of the room, and I just felt the bottom go out from under my mind. I realized, "Oh, boy. I'm depressed. Seriously, take-no-prisoners depressed." There wasn't any horror (which there should have been, there should have been abject terror), just a detached, clinical assesment of the situation. As anyone who has been clinically depressed knows, there is no emotion. Just a numbness that seems to go on forever.

And thus began a hellish several years. I began failing in every part of my life, taking worse and worse jobs. The worst was working as a courier. Not a courier that had a company van. No, I drove my own car, and put well over 300 miles a day on it. Soon I was paying to have $1,400 repairs done on it, sometimes twice a month. There was no way out. Telemarketing is actually one career level above courier. Below courier? Pigeon-covered homeless man wearing dirt for pants.

I knew things were really, really, really bad when I began the moaning. Here's what would happen: I would pick up a package, get in my pieced-together piece of crap and begin driving. And from somewhere inside me would begin to eminate a low, toneless moan. It would rise in pitch, completely outside of my control, and fill the cab. Just a lone wail that I didn't even have the ability to stop, until I reached the destination. I would have the person sign for the package, smile, but then once back in the car the moans would start again. Whew, boy. Like I said. Batshit crazy.

The courier job's low pay, combined with the car repairs, made making rent impossible. So what did I do? I began using credit card checks to pay rent. Buy groceries. Pay for the 4.5 tons of General Tso's Chicken I consumed during this period (I mean, if you're going to go on a depression-fueled binge, if eating is the only thing in your wasteland of a life that gives you one scrap of uplift, why not eat the unhealthiest food you can find? It was like eating sugared balls of pure fat). When my credit card statement would come, I would not even look at what was going on below the "pay this amount" line. I just paid that amount.

All this time, with my mind deadened to the world around me, my absolute and total misery manifesting itself in banal banshee screams, there was a tiny little voice that would speak occasionally. It would say, "I'll help you. Just get through this and I will make things right." And the weird thing was is that I knew that it was the "future me." I would speak back and say, "I'm sorry. I wish I could stop this but I'm going to need your help. I'm afraid I'm running up quite a tab here." "I'll shoulder the burden," the voice would say. I know it's really quite insane, but I remember that it would say that. "I'll shoulder the burden."

But it wasn't the future me that helped me get through that unspeakably horrific chapter of my life. It was my parents, and my brothers and most of all Bianca.

Every once in a while, when I've had some real debt destroying victories, I'll take a moment and think, "It's okay. I'm shouldering the burden."

I probably should see a shrink. But it's not in the budget.

One Month Challenge Related Debt Haiku

2007-04-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

Eating out too much
fills stomach but slows debt war
Brown bag it beeyotch